She’s alive!!

Damn, I haven’t posted in AGES.

haven’t been feeling it, I guess.  But I am at work tonight, and figured what the heck.

I HAVE to say this first.  Brad Paisley’s new song is GREAT.

Here are the lyrics:

 ONLINE

I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I’m 5 foot 3 and overweight
I’m a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I’ve never been to second base
But there’s whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace

‘Cause online I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I’m a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don’t want nothing serious
‘Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I’ve been in GQ
I’m single and I’m rich
And I’ve got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don’t want nothing serious
‘Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online
I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’ll see ya online

 

ELL oh Ell!  I love it.   Some of his songs are so goofy….but he is a BABE, and I love “Ticks” too.

Yeah, blah blah blah.

In other news, I am going to THREE  concerts in the near future.

Kenny Chesney, Sugarland, and Pat Green

Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard, Ray Price (SHUT UP)

Brooks & Dunn and Alan Jackson with Jake Owen and Catherine Britt…whoever she is!

Yeah, I am EXCITED .

I am rambling, so I am gonna post.

Three

Triples

I was tagged by my NYC trip buddy ChesneyGirl. So, here goes

Three Things That Scare Me
1. Fire
2. Snakes
3. Death

Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. Dane Cook
2. Lewis Black
3. V – she is my partner in crime!

Three Things I Love
1. My family and friends
2. George Strait
3. days off with no definite plans

Three Things I Hate
1. Stupid people
2. People who can’t drive. I realized today that everytime I get in my car I say “Fucking GO” at least once
3.Bratty kids

Three Things I Don’t Understand
1. Calculus / Statistics
2. The Sims
3. The attraction of most (if not all) reality TV

Three Things On My Desk
1. Diet Pepsi
2. Sour Patch Kids
3. Real Simple magazine

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. See a LOT more of the United States
2. Go back to NYC and figure out what the deal is with the N train, among other things
3. Have (almost) no debt. I will probably always have a car payment.

Three Things I Can Do
1. Read really fast. I have finished so many books in one day, it is crazy. (Not the Harry Potter books, though, those are HUGE!)
2. Sing “Happy Birthday” in Spanish
3. be disorganized and make a big mess. I blame that on y too small apartment.

Three Things I Can’t Do
1. Ice Skate / Roller Blade
2. Run
3. Play a musical instrument

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Your heart-Do what is right for YOU
2. George Strait
3. Phil Vassar. Amazing singer AND songwriter

Three Things You Should Never Listen To
1. Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton
2. Rosie O’Donnell (good answer Ches!)
3. Barbra Streisand

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. How to fix computers. I hate when something is messed up and I don’t know WHY
2. The deal with the goddamn N train.
3. How to deal with stupid people

Three Favorite Foods:
1. Pizza
2. Steak
3. Chicken Wings

Three Things I Regret
1. That I didn’t go to see Binka (my grandmother) that last day I talked to her
2. The times I got really drunk and did stupid shit, like embarrass my mother
3. The times I have cared too much about what other people think, INCLUDING family members

Three People I’m Tagging to do this Meme:
1. Shonda
2. Amy, even though she probably won’t!
3. v – because if she is tagged twice she HAS to do it!

THIS is funny…

Dumbass of the day

What’s new?

Nothing but an abundance of dumbass here.

Today’s dumbass?

The lady who called down to the front desk and said “My room is kind of cold….what do I do?”

So, I said “Did you turn up the heat?” all the while thinking no one can be that dumb.

The lady says “Oh, I will try that.”

I haven’t heard from her since.

Dumbass.

I keep meaning to post a non-drunk NYC recap, but I obviously haven’t yet. Oh well.

Mad props, yo.

OK, apparently I have committed a faux pas.

So, I  need to give a shout out to Clew (not Clue, she is not a dumbass like that) for bringing us together with the insanity that is the HOFF.

Someday, maybe I will tell himthat he has changed all our lives.

Ha Ha……GAG.

Anybody got a sparkling package?

Dudes! Drunk Post ahead!

Heyyyyyyyy.

Guess who is a bit intoxicated?  If you guessed V-Licious or Chesneygirl, you would be…

WRONG.

If you guessed Jennelou, well………you would be right, yo.

I think the key here is….mixing drinks is bad, mmmkay?

So, we just watched Dane Cook- Harmful If Swallowed and laughed our asses HOFF.  If you don’t get that joke, then where the hell have YOU been?  (The HOFF joke, not the Dane Cook joke)

OH, and in case you ever wondered, blogging in the dark, after drinking SmirnHOFFS and other assorted beverages?

Kinda sucks a bit.

But now, Ches and V Licious are watching Napoleon Dynamite, while I am writing to all my faithful readers!   (Yeah right, do I even have any?)

Anyway, this weekend has gone by too damn fast, as I expected it would.   We walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked yesterday.  And I for one enjoyed it.  Then we spent some time in a van….NOT by the river.  That was…..interesting.

Hey, I think they might be asleep already………yeah, i looked they are.  And looking was not easy!  Maneuvering on an air mattress is not easy when drunk!  Or sober, as I discovered when I landed on my ass this morning.

SONOFABITCH YOs.

My laptop battery is going dead, so I need to save thisbabbling.  My laptop cord is over by V Wizzle who is sleeeeeeping, and I don’t want to wake her up.

So,sorry for this pathetic effort….Itried my best.

I should go hide before SPELLCASTER comes back anyway.  Someday you will understand.

Peace y’all. It has been real.

And V’licious and ChesneyReneeGirl?

Yeah, you two…..

Ourmutual respect for all things hoffified has brought us together.  Blah blah fuckity blah, the hoff is God, you two RULE, the Hoff patrol is our reason for living,

What is 8plus 3?

Do you have your toe pierced?

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH …….Spell caster is trying to ……….ayghhhhhhhhh

Does anyone else think it is time for Rosie O’Donnell to go away again?

Ok, I admit it. I used to watch The Rosie O’Donnell show. Every day.

And I admit it, I started watching The View because of her, and because Star Jones left. Don’t get me started on the freakshow that is Star Jones.

But now? I kinda wish she would GO AWAY. Ugh…..she is too much. She talks over everybody else and acts like she is so right about everything. Ugh, she just irks me now.

For one thing, she is like another annoying celebrity who thinks her status makes her a political genius. Barbra Streisand. I cannot stand that woman.

But they did have Laura Prepon on The View as a cohost, and I love her. She was great on That 70′s Show and I really want to see her new show.

But Rosie….ugh…I can’t think of how I want to say what I mean. It is almost like she tries to overshadow the other co-hosts by being obnoxious. I would much rather listen to Joy Behar, SHE is funny.

I don’t know. I am rambling.

I’m back and I am bitchy.

Hi all.

Just want to bitch about a few things……

WHAT is UP with grown women calling themselves “baby girl”?  WHAT. THE. FUCK.  You are 40, you are not a baby.  Does this irk anyone else?

Also, if you are going to use something other than your name for your name on myspace, PLEASE learn how to spell it right.  use spell check, use a dictionary.  Otherwise, you will look stupid.

Unless your name really is Lucious Lips.

My first real post here includes bitching? SHOCKING

Can you believe that there are things that are bugging ME? It boggles the mind, doesn’t it?

First, I live in New York State. Where it is cold. The temps have been below zero, so WHY do people keep asking if the indoor pool is heated? HELLLLLLLLO? I so want to be snarky with them, but I control myself. Seriously though. Fucking Duhhhh.

Then last night there was a lady and her two kids in the lobby. The kids were wearing bathing suits because they had just gone swimming. (Yes, the pool is heated.) The automatic doors open, and all of a sudden the lady starts freaking out and then she tells me “My daughter is allergic to the cold”.

…

The other thing that I think is totally ridiculous is hearing that the high school I went to will no longer be having a Valedictorian and Salutatorian. WTF? More of this feel good, fuzzy, don’t harm their inner child NONSENSE. It pisses me off. And NO, I was not even in the top 10 percent of my class, so I was not one of the brains. I am just sick to death of everyone worrying about hurting someone’s feelings. Bunch of crybabies.

(Amy, PLEASE do not do your kid’s hair like THAT. heh)

The newspaper website in that town SUCKS so I can’t find the actual article, but basically it said that some of the students were “concerned” with the current system. (Which has been in place for YEARS.) The principal was quoted as saying the current system is “adversarial” and “would reduce the bitterness that comes from competing for the scholarships tied to being valedictorian and salutatorian.”

Now most people are comparing it to competition in sports, whatever. I just do not understand why people are so worried about their precious darlings having their feelings hurt. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, THINGS DON’T ALWAYS GO YOUR WAY! These same kids will probably still be living at home with Mommy and Daddy in ten years too. It pisses me off. Don’t get me started on the mentality of many of the welfaerie entitlement whores. (I realize that NOT all people on welfare are entitlement whores, but I worked at Wal Mart, so believe me, many are.) I remember the valedictorian of my class, that kid worked his ass offthrough school, he deserved it. I wasn’t insulted by it, give me a break.

Okay, I am rambling……but these reasons AND MORE are why I doubt I will ever move back there.

Now for “Things that make you go ewwwwww, or blehhh, or just generally give you the creeps, can anyone please tell me what it means to “strip membranes” on a pregnant woman? Ugh. Maybe I don’t want to know.

I guess this post is long enough for today.

Hello world!

OK, so I have finally had enough of blogger.

So, here I am.

I haven’t written anything in a while, and well, I still don’t really have much to say. WHAT is up with that? Work is the same, school is the same, gah, I am boring.

I can’t even think of anyone or anything to bitch about! That must be a first.

So, I leave you with this, because I think it is funny.